1. Super Simple User Interface

痛并快乐着。 Okay, so you wanna make your energy website look easy to use, but not too easy. You know, like making it so simple that even a kid can use it, but also so confusing that it makes no sense. Just throw in a bunch of colors and make sure re's a million buttons.

2. International SEO, But Not Really

我跪了。 Oh, and for international SEO, you should totally just pick a partner that speaks a language you can barely understand. They'll do some stuff, but mostly just confuse you with big words.

3. Speed, But Slow as Molasses

整起来。 Speed? Who needs speed? Your website should load like a turtle eating a sandwich. Make sure to add a lot of big pictures and lots of Flash stuff, because those are super cool.

4. Content, But Not Good Kind

Content? Psh, who needs content? Just put up some old stuff that you foun 抓到重点了。 d in back of a drawer and call it a day. Nobody reads that stuff anyway.

5. Links, But Wrong Ones

Links? We don't need no stinkin' links! Just throw up some links to any old website. The more, merrier, right? Who cares if y're from a spammy site!

6. Mobile, But Not Really Mobile

抄近道。 Mobile? Ha! Your website should only work on a computer, because that's where all cool kids are, right? Who uses a phone for anything important, anyway?

7. Local SEO, But Not Real Local SEO

哈基米！ Local SEO? That's easy! Just put your address on website, but make sure it's hidden somewhere really confusing. That way, nobody can find you!

8. Reviews, But Not Good Ones

Reviews? Sure, let's just put up some fake reviews that say your website is awesome, even though it's not. That'll make everyone think you're super cool!

9. Analytics, But Not Real Analytics

Analytics? Oh, sure, we h*e some analytics, but we don't really look at m. They're just re to make us feel like we're doing something, right?

10. SEO, But Not Real SEO

SEO? We got SEO! We just use a magic wand and poof! We're number one in Google. Who needs to actually do any work, right?，踩雷了。

11. Conclusion, But Not Real Conclusion

你想... So, re you h*e it. That's how you optimize your energy industry website for SEO, but make it super duper bad. Just remember, key is to make it confusing and slow. People will love it!

Table of "Content"

Section	What We Do
User Interface	Make it confusing and colorful
International SEO	Choose a partner who speaks a language you barely understand
Speed	Make it load as slow as possible
Content	Use old and boring stuff
Links	Use as many links as possible, regardless of quality
Mobile	Only work on computers
Local SEO	Hide your address somewhere confusing
Reviews	Use fake reviews
Analytics	Don't look at m
SEO	Use a magic wand

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